Cheese and other Mishaps
by Mayst
Summary: This will get better later, trust me...A collaboration between me, Elf/Vampire/Vulcan/Jedi/Thingy, and Celewen Silverstar.


Story Title: Cheese and other Mishaps Authors: Mayst, Elf/Vampire/Vulcan/Jedi/Saiyan, and Celewen Silverstar Disclaimer: This story is meant to be incredibly SILLY and was not meant to defame any characters (except Arwen) in any way. We do NOT own any of Tolkien's beautiful works (though Elf... likes to think she owns Legolas). We also do not own any brands of cheese. Sadly. We probably borrowed a lot of jokes, so in advance, sorry. Also, in real life, Mayst knows nothing of cheese (although she does enjoy Havarti), Elf...does not actually think she can stalk Elrond, and Celewen Silverstar...(on second thought, she's basically accurate).  
  
Chapter 1: A Not Really Expected Party  
  
A long long time ago in a galaxy far away there lived Kelley, Christa, and Rachel, who were all crazy LOTR obsessed people and best friends. Kelley was the sensible one. Sort of. She had a head on her shoulders and used it often. Rachel had a head on her shoulders, but she never used it. When she did though, on rare occasions, insanity often ensued. Christa kept the inner-workings of her mind to herself. She was also silly. She figured that if she let someone know the inner workings if her mind no one would want to be around her. As I mentioned earlier, these three were incredibly obsessed with Lord of the Rings. Kelley had read and understood the Silmarilion, which was more than Rachel had ever done. Rachel had plans to stalk Elrond. The fact that he was fictional did not stop her. Christa had written 19 love stories between her and Aragorn, all of them included horrible and painful deaths for Arwen. Christa and Rachel were members of the high school's Drama Company. No one especially liked them, but that did not keep them from doing less than their part. There was a mighty bulletin board that was used to put messages on to show to all of the various drama company members. It was referred to as THE CALLBOARD. One day when Christa and Rachel were building the set for the latest play, Rachel had a strange and compelling urge to take THE CALLBOARD off the wall. Christa was with her and kept telling her not to, but Rachel never had much of a respect for rules. Rachel very hurriedly took THE CALLBOARD off the wall. Large amounts of sand began spilling out onto the floor. "That proves my theory," Rachel said, "There is no wall behind THE CALLBOARD, just sand." Rachel began to laugh maniacally. Christa joined in, though she wasn't sure why. Kelley was there. She began shaking her head and sighing, something she did often, considering that she did not like to admit that she was just as insane as her friends. The sand that tumbled forth from THE CALLBOARD was purple and sparkly. It engulfed them, and suddenly they found themselves in a pretty green meadow somewhere, which they all recognized immediately. There were several people running about. They were all only three feet tall. Some were old, some were cute, and some were downright freaky, but all of them were laughing and drinking. Many of them were hoisting a large canvas sign that said: "Happy Birthday Bilbo Baggins!" The words that came out of the three girls' mouths were sudden and simultaneous. "Oh my God, no way!" Suddenly, they looked down at their hands and realized they were holding small paper invitations. They looked at each other. "Cool." Kelley looked at the two other girls "OK, while we're here, don't act like you have any advanced knowledge of the plot." "Oh, fine," Rachel said, "We won't confuse the hobbits, although that would be endlessly amusing." They decided to separate. Kelley went in search of Gandalf, who was wise, and also he was Gandalf and all. Rachel made a beeline for the food. Christa went off in search of Merry and Pippin, who she knew would probably be stealing fireworks by now. Later that evening, "Come on, Merry, let's get this one!" "No, the bigger one!" Christa was with them and said, "Let's get the pretty dragony one!" They were inside one of the numerous tents at the party. Pippin was about to light it when Christa said, "It would be wise to stick it in the ground." "All right," Pippin did what was said, which was very surprising for Pippin. They lit the firework and everyone freaked out and ran since the firework was a dragon. Merry, Pippin, and Christa were blown to the ground with the force of the firework. "Um, guys," Christa muttered, knowing full well what was coming next. "That was good," said Merry. "Yeah," said Pippin, "Let's get another!" Christa knew now was a good time to run. She figured the wrath of Gandalf was something she didn't want to face, especially when the end result was washing dishes all night. Gandalf approached Merry and Pippin and grabbed them by the ears. Kelley was with him, and talking his ear off about a multitude of things, about cheese graters and old shoeboxes, but mostly about cheese. Gandalf was grateful for any excuse to get away from Kelley, so he disciplined the hobbits. Rachel had been dancing the night away with Frodo, whose eyes had been creeping her out. After the dance, Rachel sat down, and Christa and Kelley joined her, as Bilbo prepared to make his speech. As Bilbo was about to put on his ring and disappear, the three girls were bored, because they knew what was going to happen. When Bilbo disappeared, Kelley had a mind to follow him because she knew where he was going. She hid in a strategically placed shadow just outside Bag End as she watched the conflict between Bilbo and Gandalf unfold. "It will be my turn to get angry soon," said Gandalf. "If you say that again I shall. Then you will see Gandalf the Grey uncloaked." "You mean you'll strip?!" Kelley exclaimed. Gandalf fished into her hiding place with his staff and pulled her out. "What is this?! Oh, it's that strange child from the party!" "Um, hi," Kelley said weakly. "I didn't invite you!" Bilbo exclaimed. "I have an invitation," Kelley said, pulling it out. "You must be one of Frodo's strange friends, I knew that boy had fallen into bad company, but this is ridiculous!" "OK, Bilbo, if you want my advice, just give Frodo your ring, or if you want to be all thin and stretchy-like for the rest of your life." "Well, all right," Bilbo said, then slowly dropped the ring. Christa and Rachel walked Frodo back to Bag-End, who wasn't too happy about Bilbo leaving. They were trying to comfort him the best they could. Before Gandalf could say anything to Frodo about the ring, Christa and Rachel launched into a long explanation about the ring and its powers. "Well that saves me a few months of research," Gandalf said with a smile. "Thanks girls!" Gandalf turned to Frodo. "You shall meet me at the Inn of the Prancing Pony at Bree. I am sending these three lunatics with you, they have no other use." "Hey!" All three girls said indignantly. "I'm going to go see Saruman, he's a pretty smart guy, I'm sure he could help us," said Gandalf. "Uh, Gandalf? Sir? Ma'am?" But Gandalf ignored them and left. Frodo and the girls walked out the door and encountered Sam, who claimed to have heard the entire thing. Merry and Pippin were also waiting out there. "What are you doing here?" Kelley said, "This is not right!" "I told them to wait out here," Christa said, "I thought it would speed the plot along. I really want to get to the Prancing Pony." "And I bet I know why," Rachel said, rolling her eyes. Rachel told the various people that they were travelling with that they should head straight to Huckleberry Ferry and they shouldn't worry about Ringwraiths following them. She figured that they would not get into much trouble if they did this. She was WRONG, VERY WRONG. 


End file.
